“I’ve been teaching about Gaia and the Faery Mysteries for ten years; today . . . I AM the Mystery.”
These were the words that poured from my lips at the start of my class for the Fully Shining Women Wisdom School open house. Although my nerves were at an all time high, what I spoke came from a place of absolute certainty.
However, during the hours leading up to the event I was anything but certain. In fact, I was downright terrified. The fear was visceral, my hands cold and clammy, and I paced incessantly across my house for hours.
Worst of all, logic and linear thinking seemed to have vacated the premises of my consciousness, leaving no ability whatsoever to organize my thoughts into any semblance of structure or outline.
Days before it was my turn to present, I’d prepared myself with offerings and devotions to Gaia, aligning with her heart-womb just like the days of old when we priestesses would sit upon the tripod as the Pythia to receive the Earth’s wisdom. From this place, I saw all the different perspectives of reality, like shimmering tiles within a holographic void.
But I couldn’t grasp any of them, at least not logically.
I tried over and over again, jotting snippets of notes, playing with how I might open the class and the direction that would be most captivating and activating for those in attendance.
To no avail.
Every path I traced, words I streamed together, points I tried building toward were swept away, again and again, as if the black hole in the center of the Milky Way herself had erected a grand cosmic broom to thwart my efforts.
Holy Hell, I was doomed!
I contemplated the grave calamity I found myself in the center of—after all, Meghan, whose open house my class was a part of, was counting on me to be able to form words in the English language—words that fit into sentences that connected into ideas and hopefully offered some perspective.
Now I was scheduled to teach in less than a few hours. Oh dear. I was in trouble.
I tried to think, to reason within myself—you must be nervous, that’s all. It will come. It always does. You’re thinking about this too much. You’ve taught this sort of class dozens of times before.
Then, as the fruitless minutes rolled by, my teaching time slot encroaching ever so rapidly, my thoughts were more akin to: what the hell is wrong with you? Snap out of it! Come on, will ya! Get a grip.
It was only when I’d hit rock bottom in an abysmal pit of despair, that a light began to twinkle in the darkness.
That light led to an intimation that led to a deep knowing: I’m not going to teach about Gaia.
Nor was I going to be explaining about plants or trees or dragon or fae. None of that.
Instead I was being asked to speak from the dimensional reality where all these energies weave in a grid of life and light and potent alchemical living expression.
Gaia is asking me to speak from her heart-womb.
As an oracle of Gaia, letting her voice mingle with mine, in a dance of co-creative union and merged codes of soul remembrance and spirited enchantment.
I won’t go into all the backstory around why this is so terrifying for me. When you read my newly released book Initiation: My Faery Soul Awakening, then you’ll know.
Suffice it to say, it has to do with everything I’ve been working through in this lifetime and connects to past lifetime trauma and wound around speaking and really revealing who I am. (Can you relate?)
I do not fear the expression and being-ness of it. I’ve been embodying this energetic for a while. After all, it’s the place from which I write and originate story; create and collect sacred essence medicines; co-create New Avalon. It’s the place from which I live from and see the Gaian Reality.
But rarely is this way of being set free, fully unveiled, for the others to see. Never have I allowed this to be the place from which I speak from when publicly offering a class or a teaching.
Oh sure, this potent energy might weave in here and there, but it’s . . . controlled, bridled, tempered.
When I stepped onto the virtual stage to offer my class, it was not without nervousness. But soon, all the uncertainty fell away. Replacing it was deep trust and surrender. I just had to be me.
But I was the “me” that was also one with all of life. It was from that place I transmitted. Thus overcoming my greatest fear yet–to be fully seen, heard, witnessed regardless of reactions, outcomes, or reception of others.
This poem I wrote 2 years ago conveys what I both embodied and transcended by stepping forward from this place when I spoke last week.
I believe that we are in an extraordinary time of owning and expressing our unique truth and essence with the world.
This extraordinary self-initiation I’m sharing from last week is possible because our growth and learning never really ends. I am still walking the path, journeying these mysteries and challenging myself to expand beyond what I previously thought possible.
The time is ripe for you too to dare to push your limits. There are many invitations and pathways to do so, for those of us who have held and kept sacred these wisdom streams and mysteries for lifetimes are stepping into the realm of visible light, pulling down the veil and revealing these medicine codes because they must be available to all.
There is a great activation happening. The seeds that have been living within us for so long are germinating now, coming alive, awake, active in our collective.
Those who control and promote fear-based structures on the planet do not want you to see and know that you are a part of something greater–a profound grid of love and emerging consciousness.
They want you to think our world is one of fear and division.
Well, my friends, it’s time to glitch the matrix. Because from the ashes of the crumbling foundations of distorted power structures, we are rising.
As a Gaian, each one of us has codes of remembrance living within us, just waiting to be turned on. Because we live in an interdependent world, the process was never meant to unfold in solitude. This process is one of interdependent harmony and homeodynamic beauty.
So take my hand.
Or take someone else’s.
But let’s step consciously on the path of love and service, where we choose to engage with the beauty and grids of sacred ecology and light permeating the fabric of this reality.
If only we are willing to pull back the veils of what we’ve been told to believe and instead open our hearts to truly see what is a living part of all of us—love, life, enchantment, embodied mythic reality and sacred living.
Deepest love and a burst of joy from my heart to yours,
Diomira Rose